This precious soul is NINE today! His life is a reflection of God’s deep love. The days with him are equally difficult and delightful. Oh, the lessons I’ve learned and miracles we’ve witnessed.
Today I would love to share how our faithful God named this beautiful baby boy. Some of the stories are hard for me to share because they reveal parts of me that aren’t particularly great, though truthful. But this story is a joy to share with you. The fingerprints of a faithful and loving God are evident.
Johnnie has an older brother and two older sisters. Yes, I love to share about them too, but they are much more sensitive about their business out there for the world to see! We lived overseas for each pregnancy, mostly in places with inadequate healthcare. Because it was difficult to get ultrasounds at the time, when we found out we were expecting our first child, we decided we would not discover the baby’s gender and enjoy the surprise. We picked out a handful of boy and girl names for this little “olive” growing inside me and felt confident that the Lord would make this child’s name abundantly clear the moment we met him or her.
That was the plan for eight months. As the weeks passed and delivery approached, we flew out of the country where we were living and headed to Thailand to await the baby’s delivery in a place with good medical care. Somewhere in that transition, my husband told me that he could no longer wait to discover the gender of our baby!! Eight months in. He was certain that he knew our little one would be a boy and even knew his name. He just had to see an ultrasound to confirm and couldn’t wait! I kid you not.
At our next appointment, the doctor confirmed that we were, indeed, having a little boy. I will let you decide what that says about me as a wife…that I would gladly find out with just a few more weeks to go. I will say, in retrospect, that it proved quite helpful in getting last minute baby gifts and necessities. Boy #1 came into the world, eyes wide open and ready to see it all.
I admit, I was a little hurt that God would reveal these hidden truths to my husband and leave me in the dark. And I did have a conversation or two with Him about it. My deep love and honor for the Lord and the amazing man he gave me kept everything in good nature, don’t worry. Even when nearly the same thing happened with baby number two. Yes, you read that correctly. We did find out the gender of baby number two and excitedly prayed over several little girl names, narrowing it to a couple. Weeks before she was born, my husband again declared her name. Insider knowledge. One not even on the original list! No, I wasn’t upset. Just overwhelmed with joy when we held Girl #1 and her name was a perfect fit.
By the time we were expecting baby number three, we discussed several names, and I just asked him which one! Though we did put several names on the table and our firstborn actually gave us a middle name, it was again my husband who finally declared the name for our precious Girl #2. There may have been a part of me that wondered what was wrong with me that I would not be privy to this information ahead of time. But, if you know my husband, then you know that he walks with the Lord in a very intimate way and who can argue with that. I was thankful for his gentle leadership.
Now, this is where the story gets really good! After thinking that we were done having children, the Lord really moved us to a place of obedience in having another child. We were not sure if He would give us a fourth child through adoption or open the womb again. Where we lived at the time, locals would sometimes leave newborn babies on the doorsteps of foreigners, knowing that they would care for this unwanted child. I am not kidding when I say that my husband frequently checked our front gate, with anticipation. It would have delighted our hearts to pursue adoption of a baby born from a people that we love dearly.
But God had other plans.
A few months later, we found out we were expecting baby number four. Even before the test turned positive, I knew deep in my soul that God was already forming a new life in the womb. And I knew this baby would be special. I even wondered if God may give us a child born with disabilities. This thought had never really crossed my mind with any of our other children. I simply tucked all these things in the hidden places of my heart. And prayed. And waited.
There was a day that I can remember with absolute clarity. I was reading the Bible and praying, then moved to my desk and started researching some baby names for fun. Sitting at that desk, I knew in a moment that we were having a baby boy and that his name was Jonathan. There was no audible voice, but a knowing that could only come from God. Jonathan means “Given by God.” I had no idea the significance of this name at the time, but I was delighted that I had firsthand knowledge given the first three experiences! I didn’t say a word but, again, tucked these things in the hidden places of my heart.
A few weeks went by, and my husband came to me a little sheepishly to talk about baby names. I knew he knew. With great reservation, because he once again knew our baby’s name, he shared with me that he was fairly certain we were having a boy and his name was Jonathan. This was before any ultrasounds to confirm our little one’s gender. You bet I spilled all my insider info and told him that it was about time he got caught up!!
It was shortly after these conversations that we went in for that routine ultrasound at 20 weeks, to confirm that God was truly giving us a son. What a gift, to have a name to hold on to when those dark days came. Though so much about our lives changed, we KNEW that this baby was given by the Lord. No matter his disabilities, he had a name. He had a purpose. He was designed by a loving Creator. He was a miracle, a soul given as a precious gift.
The Lord taught me so much about His timing and His purposes through those days. About His goodness and His mercy. We hear testimonies all the time of God’s measure of grace in difficult circumstances. This takes many forms. But He promises that He will not forsake us, just like he told Joshua, “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you: He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV).
He is always before us. He has a plan. He has a purpose. He will be with us and never leave us. What should we fear or fret? May these truths sink deep in your soul today, a day we are rejoicing and celebrating the birth of Boy #2. It is a stark reminder that God is in complete control, no matter the circumstance. Whether heartache or persecution or illness or famine or disaster or anything else this broken world brings. He is seated sovereignly on His throne. And this one sojourner can say, with insider knowledge, that He is good. He was nine years ago. He is today. And He will be for all eternity.
A Thousand Little Deaths 