A Time for Everything

Time.

I’d venture to say that all of us have been thinking a lot about time the past few days, with the passing of another year. There’s something about reminiscing on the past year and ushering in the new year that reminds every single one of us that time is fleeting.

Time is a treasure.

Remember that time you spent a week at the beach with your family? You laughed together and ate way too much food, felt the pure exhaustion from sun and sand, stayed up too late every night playing games or sharing memories of time gone by. Or remember that Christmas when you were nine? You couldn’t get to sleep, so you and your sister giggled and peaked down the hall in the wee hours of the morning, so excited by the outline of a Barbie Dream House sitting beside the tree. What about the early days of delivering and holding and getting to know your firstborn? Days filled with joy and tears and poop and milk and pain and fear and sweet little toes and unbelievable depths of love. All of these…treasures.

But time is also a thief.

Remember when your little boy used to bounce and wave his arms every single time he got excited? Now he just grunts and it’s mostly his backside that you see as he’s walking by on his way to his room or out the door. Remember when you could pick up the phone and talk to her or give him a big bear hug when the impulse tugged at your heart? But now there’s nobody on the other end of the phone or an empty chair sits at your table. Remember when she brushed your hair and taught you to bake, and you wanted nothing more than to sit on the couch and tell her everything? Now you are the one combing her hair and reminding her how to bake and helping her get settled onto the couch. Such a thief…creeps in and robs us of precious moments with the ones we love.

Time can creep by slowly.

Waiting on that phone call from the doctor with results, or waiting on the ambulance to get there so they can race your loved one to the hospital, or waiting for the train to pass so you won’t be late for that important interview. Eternity wrapped up in the passing of one minute. One second. Then another. Then another.

But time can also barrel like a bullet train down the track, full speed ahead.

Didn’t you have one more day to complete that project? Where did the fourth quarter go, I thought we had one more to play? 50 years together, how did it pass so quickly?

Our precious Girl #2 loves to look at pictures. She will sit and scroll through them for hours. There are times I can look at them with her, a sweet time of walking down memory lane. And there are just as many times that I can’t bear to look through those pictures. They represent the passage of time and change.

Pictures from the past represent moments gone by, that cannot be lived again. Whether it was ten years ago or ten days ago or ten minutes ago.

I’ve been thinking a great deal about time lately. This year marks a fairly significant anniversary in the life of our family.

I remember the day this picture was taken, there are so many details about this time that come to mind with perfect clarity. Though it was taken just over ten years ago, I can still feel the crisp air and smell the hint of snow around the corner. I can also remember a very purposeful cherishing of this time in our lives because the winds of change were swirling in the air. I can’t tell you how we knew, but both of us felt this undeniable feeling that God was getting ready to do a new thing. Sometimes we would even speculate what that might look like.

We had no way of knowing what God had in store. Ten years ago, this year, we found out we were expecting our fourth child. Half way through that pregnancy, we found out he would be born with significant needs that could not be met overseas. Ten years ago we packed up roughly ten suitcases and left the place that we called home, never to return again. The turmoil of those days was usurped by a peace that passes all understanding. There is no earthly explanation for the calm we felt. But God. He stepped in and carried us. Truthfully, the feelings of those days are still raw and rough.

This simple picture reminds me of that time. It makes my heart swell with both joy and sorrow. In our family, we have a very distinct before Johnnie and after Johnnie. It literally changed everything for us.

Before Johnnie, we traveled by bus, boat, plane, train, car, motorcycle, and taxi. Now, fear accompanies nearly any trip we take, no matter how hard we resolve to rest in His peace.

Before Johnnie, we moved more and the possibilities were endless. Now, medical doctors and insurance and specialists and hospitals limit our zip code options.

Before Johnnie, our family lived in relative joy and light-heartedness. Now, there is a depth to life that keeps the day-to-day anchored.

Before Johnnie, our three oldest children had undivided and uninterrupted time with Mom or Dad. Now, without help in the house, there’s always a precious big boy asking for help or play or attention.

Before Johnnie, we lived fairly independently, for good or bad. Now, we are wholly dependent on others to step in and help us out.

The list goes on. Yet even as I write this, I realize that all of us have a story to tell. Moments in time that have defined who we are today. And please don’t misunderstand me, as I have truly cherished the past ten years.

And then I see a picture like this, a reminder of all God’s goodness the past ten years. Our world just wouldn’t be the same without Johnnie.

Yes, it’s been ten years, and I still struggle at times to put my thoughts into words. The abruptness. The transition. The contrast. It definitely left it’s mark on all of us. If you have ever experienced a sudden change or devastating loss, no matter what it was, please know that it will take time. And also…run to God.

He is not bound by time. He is the Keeper of time. He is not scared of our emotions. He is the Creator of our emotions. He is not surprised by the circumstances. He is the Author of them. He is not offended by our questions. He is the Answer for each and every one.

He. Is.

Whether you are looking at your moments today through the lens of joy or through the lens of sorrow, rest in Him. There is GREAT comfort in knowing that He is the Beginning and the End. And please know that I write this as much as a reminder to myself, as I write to share it with you. I think that’s one of the reasons that I finally found my voice again, after nearly ten years. I need to share my story because it’s His story. My story is nothing special, but if I can use it to point others to Him, then every single moment of it was worth it.

There is indeed a season for everything, a time for every purpose under heaven, and He makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 11 NKJV). He ordered it that way. Look to Him, to His word. Purpose to do just that this year. He will bring order to the chaos. He will heal and sustain. He will bring understanding in the questions. He will capture you, heart and mind and soul.

It may just take time.