I am both full of joy and full of sorrow.
I am both perfectly content and longing for more.
I am both walking in peace and deeply restless.
I am both satisfied and jealous.
I am both savoring every moment and wishing the time away.
I am both profoundly thankful and woefully bitter of heart.
I am both sure of my calling and wondering if there’s more.
I am both certain He placed us in this place and wondering why we’ve been sidelined.
I am both strong of heart and weak of flesh.
I am both gazing heavenward and faithful while on earth.
I am both walking in step with Him and fighting for my way.
I am both abundantly satisfied in His Word and completely hungering for more.
I am both full of light and covered in darkness.
I am both forever alive and decisively dead.
There is a tension in all of life for the believer. We are emotional creatures, born into sin, living in an evil, broken world. I’m certain that’s why He calls us to take up our cross daily and die to self. There is no “one and done” to faith.
It’s daily. It’s grueling. It’s clinging. It’s fighting. It’s exhilarating.
This pilgrimage is complex. Praise be to God we know the destination!
Yet, this tension we feel does not frighten our great God or make Him any less sovereign. He is fully aware of our fickle emotions and our ever-present conflict. He is the Creator.
I’m so thankful for the Psalms. Honestly, I read them, write them, pray them, sing them, often. The raw humanity found in them is comforting, as it stands in juxtaposition to the absolute majesty of God.
In the midst of all my conflicting emotion, I also have truths that deeply anchor me when I feel tossed to and fro by the waves . . . and I come back to them time and time again.
My God is faithful.
“Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations,” Deuteronomy 7:9
My God is trustworthy.
“For the word of the Lord is upright, and all His work is done in faithfulness. He loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of the steadfast love of the Lord.” Psalm 33:5
My God is good.
“For the Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations.” Psalm 100:5
My God is merciful.
“The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, ‘The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin,'” Exodus 34:6-7
My God sees and hears.
“For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayer.” 1 Peter 3:12
My God is loving.
“Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.” Psalm 36:5
My God is present.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
My God is a refuge.
“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge, my savior . . .” 2 Samuel 22: 2-3
My God is mighty.
“For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe.” Deuteronomy 10:17
My God is in control.
“Oh, the depth of the riches of wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His way! ‘For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?’ ‘Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid?’ For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11: 33-36
The list goes on and on. He is worthy!
Oh friends, don’t fall back on familiar feelings. Hold fast to truth and drive it in the ground, like a stake, as you make your ascent through this life. It’s not an easy journey. It’s long and winding and the path is, indeed, narrow.
You will need to hold fast to something.
May it be Him, His character, His ways, His truth.
A Thousand Little Deaths 