Our Beautiful Mess

It’s taken me this many years to truly settle into our beautiful mess. Learning how to even rejoice in it. In reality, our mess doesn’t look very pretty. And I’m not talking about dirty dishes in the sink, piles of clean clothes waiting to be folded, or even toilets long overdue for a scrub . . . all of which, we have plenty!

No, our mess looks different than that.

It’s explosive arguments when things don’t go according to one particular child’s plans.

It’s ugly crying with a daughter who just can’t comprehend math no matter how many years she’s studied and how hard she tries.

It’s screaming and yelling and tears and scratches and pinches just trying to do basic things like cutting fingernails or brushing hair or even washing hands.

It’s looking my daughter in the eye, taking deep breaths with her, and speaking truth when panic is rising and the anxiety starts to take over.

It’s listening to the unrelenting fear that plagues a young heart, speaking truth, giving hugs, praying and reassuring.

It’s meltdowns that are loud and angry, requiring time and space to calm down.

It’s uncovering choices that have devastating consequences for our child and ripple effects through the family.

It’s flares of emotion and tearful apologies.

It’s taking a stand in parenting, based on our faith and the Truth of God’s Word, no matter what the world says.

It’s the world’s view and God’s view clashing under one family’s roof.

It’s not neat and tidy and orderly or easy. Truth be told, there’s a good deal of pain and heartache and chaos. The road has been long and winding.

Parenting is one of the greatest tools the Lord uses in my life. Refining. Sanctifying. He never promised easy. He never really promises a certain outcome either. In fact, Jesus was pretty clear about this in chapters 13 and 14 of Luke. He says rather strongly that He came to divide, and the Gospel will pit father against son, mother against daughter. There should be a willingness to let go of even our closest family relationships, if it becomes necessary, in order to follow Christ.

We all long to see our children follow Christ, to know His infinite worth. We teach them. We walk with them. We talk about Him along the way. We are always ever-pointing them to Him. But there’s no guarantee. It took so long for this truth to wash over me. Each of my precious children are beautiful individuals crafted by an amazing Creator. He knows them far better than I do. He will draw them into a relationship with Him and open their eyes to see all the wonder of Who He is. I sure hope God builds on what they’ve learned in our home. But, ultimately, it’s their journey. Their walk. Their decision. Their eternity.

Is this easy? No way!

With any new adventure, I walked into parenting with a pile of unrealistic expectations. These expectations rose up from a place of good intentions. Of course we wanted to raise our children up knowing who God is and the joy of walking with Him, but I seriously underestimated how much Satan would fight back.

But isn’t that the Gospel? It’s a battle. And it plays out in human hearts time and time again. The Gospel message is beautiful. It’s life-giving. It’s a story of redemption. But it’s anything but easy, tidy, or neat. It’s messy.

Paul talks of this “fight” throughout his New Testament writings . . .

“Fight the good fight of the faith” (1 Timothy 6:12a, ESV).

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7, ESV).

“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Romans 7:18-19, ESV).

“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:2-3, ESV).

“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you” (Colossians 3:5a, ESV).

“That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own” (Philippians 3:10-12, ESV).

I’ve come to see gospel truths played out in our home over and over again. In hard conversations. In steep consequences. In repentant tears. In glorious restoration. In difficult love.

I wrote this in my journal not too long ago:

Lord, I feel so wholly inadequate some days. And like a total failure. Seems to be so many more ‘downs’ than ‘ups’ as we journey. We’ve had to let go of so many things out of sheer exhaustion and survival. Please redeem our mess. Oh, how I pray that our children have seen how much we love You. How worthy You are of our lives. Though our family looks nothing like I envisioned, it’s beautiful. You ask us to walk through these hard things together . . . for our growth. Our benefit. And to draw us directly to You, in our need. I’m SO grateful.”

I can think of no greater picture of His love for us. He calls us to repeatedly love and forgive, with both the ones who stay and the ones who walk away. We continue to speak truth when it hurts and it’s exhausting. I’m so thankful that our God models this for us in His patience and long-suffering . . . remaining steadfast in His love and abundant in mercy.

For those of you still in the trenches of parenting, I’m right there with you. I suspect this a life-long gig! I’ve got nothing figured out. In fact, when my younger sisters call and ask for advice, I tell them that I have none. The only thing I can say is simply love your children through it all and cling to Jesus.

Somewhere along the way, the mess of it all turned into a beautiful picture of the Gospel for me. I pray He will give each of you the strength to see the beauty of His redeeming and sanctifying work rising up from your own mess too. Keep fighting . . . both for your faith and for your children.

“To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of His calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ” (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12, ESV).