How the Story Ends

12 years.

We’ve had the party balloons hanging in our house for a week now. A reminder that we recently celebrated 12 years with our youngest son. I can hardly believe it.

12 years.

His birth completely changed life as we knew it. Quite a stark before and after for us.

Given all that I know now, would I change it? Nope.

We wouldn’t have him, with all his hugs and laughter and singing and spinning.

We wouldn’t have the weathered faith that marks our lives, with a dependency on the Lord that runs deep.

But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it still hurts, and there are days that things get pretty ugly around here. Our lives are not neatly wrapped up in beautiful paper, tied together perfectly with a bow on top.

Nope, not around here.

If I’m being a hundred percent honest, I feel as though a piece of my soul has died a little with each passing year.

12 years, chipping away at who I once was.

12 years, living with a level of grief and sadness and loneliness day in and day out that we now only whisper to one another.

12 years, full of hard and uncertain things and dying to self.

Please don’t misunderstand me . . . there’s joy too. An abundance of it. But always tempered.

I sometimes find myself staring at my reflection in the mirror wondering how that person staring back at me will hold up for another 12 years.

But that’s when Truth steps in and overpowers that nagging voice in my head, the one that’s full of questions and doubts.

And it’s only by the grace of God that I can put one foot in front of the other each and every day.

My circumstances keep me firmly tethered to the One who is my strength, my joy, my rock, my salvation.

His Truth doesn’t negate all the human emotion, that which always brims just below the surface. But, it does center me. Why are the Psalms so dear to me? They are full of human emotions, yet those emotions are wholly surrendered before a sovereign, holy, majestic, powerful God.

And the gospel message of the theology-rich book of Romans is a foundational truth that I listen to, read about, preach to myself regularly. I’m deserving of nothing but death. He has graciously given life to me through His Son, Jesus. If I get nothing else this side of eternity, that is enough.

He is enough.

No amount of rest could compare.

No amount of freedom to pick up and go could compare.

No amount of living one day without worry could compare.

Life eternal in His glorious presence far outweighs it all.

We sang a song in church this week that nearly undid me. The bridge repeats:

I know how the story ends;
We will be with you again.
You’re my Savior, my defense;
No more fear in life or death.

You’ve Already Won by Shane & Shane

That’s it, in a nutshell.

If we know how the story ends, the battle is already won. I could still face a lifetime of tears, but that’s ok. There’s no more fear in life or death, for we will be with Him again. This truth doesn’t take away the ugly parts or make my days unendingly easy. There will be good and bad mingled together until the day I die.

But my reality is, I can face today. I can face tomorrow. I can face all the days for another 12 years, 24 years, 36 years . . . but only by God’s grace. For Jesus is “my hope and stay.”

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked . . . But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loves, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ–by grace you have been saved–and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2: 1, 4-6

If you are facing hard things . . . things without end . . . hold fast to Him. There’s room for the ugly, messy things before the throne of God. He is rich in mercy. He is full of great love. He saved us. He is gracious and kind. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life . . .

He. Never. Changes.

Everything else aside, we know how the story ends.

And, we will be with Him again.